Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

June 20, 2023 2 Comments

Do you remember the eighties “power ballad” by REO Speedwagon called Can’t Fight This Feeling? 

Well, that song has been on the cosmic radio station in my head, nonstop, night and day over the entire past moon cycle and still ongoing! 

Spirit, Nature, the flowers, all have such a good sense of humor don't you think? Especially when it comes to the heavy stuff… 

Anyway, I was around 15 years old when this song was released… right about the time when my headaches began... 

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship, has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

The spiraling journey I’ve been on with Forget–Me-Not (AWARENESS) this past moon cycle has been dizzying and disorienting but I am going to attempt to verbalize, to put into form, some of my experience…

 

Forget-Me-Not says, “You are not alone.” Not in your thoughts, not in your experiences, and certainly not in your connections to all beings, seen and unseen, that are sharing this beautiful Universe with you. There is magic all around you… if you have eyes to see it. 

And I’ve been deep in the magic of co-hosting the Enchantment of Flower Essences class in the CommUNITY Garden, (the timing of which is no accident of course), where I have been thinking a lot about the difference between what is “real” and what is “make-believe.” 

There is no actual plant material in flower essence remedies—they instead hold the vibrational essence of the flower captured in water with light, and intention, and hold a deeply potent story for us to discover. 

Essences work with our emotional and energetic bodies and bring into our awareness our unconscious emotional patterns that are ready to be seen, witnessed and released as we remember our wholeness.  

Magic.

We cannot explain scientifically how Flower Essences work… yet. But in living experience, over and over, these water-based remedies are life changing. Alchemical.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

'Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

Here in Maine, the temperatures have been cool and it's been raining… a LOT. The slugs are flourishing in my garden. Tiny little baby slugs with enormous appetites. I’ve replanted my Zinnias (LIGHT-HEARTEDNESS) three times—the irony is not lost on me...

I’m not battling the slugs, however. Not waging war on them. I’m letting go. I know I can’t control Nature. Right?

“Does the weather affect your emotions or do your emotions affect the weather?” Forget-Me-Not asks me. 

I contemplate the rain sheeting against the window, pooling in my garden walkways, drip, drip, dripping from the trees…

Water. 

The element commonly associated with our emotions and intuition. I have a lot of water in my astrological chart…

A lot of emotion. 

E-motion. 

Energy in motion. 

I feel deeply. 

And I deeply feel how I have been preventing myself from feeling fully for a very long time. 

It takes incredible strength and power to go against your Nature. To go against Nature. To attempt to control Nature.

My dreams, my nightmares, have long been filled with tsunamis, with boats, with being underwater. 

I married a boat builder, a sailor and after 28+ years I am still deeply uncomfortable out on the ocean, bobbing around, at the mercy of the powerful, dark, vast unknown, beneath me. 

It’s overwhelming. 

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window

On a cold dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

Somewhere in my childhood I took on the belief that my feelings, my sensitive Nature was too much. 

You too? 

I was too emotional. Too dramatic, and this was clearly not acceptable. 

Unconsciously I knew I had to get my feelings under control. 

Unconsciously I didn’t want to be exiled. I desired to belong and to be loved. Accepted. 

Unconsciously, I created a strong energetic vase to hold all my watery emotions. To contain them. 

You know the shape of a vase—round and sturdy at the bottom and smaller and narrow at the neck so the flowers won’t flop—that is my shape, physically and energetically! I’m so good at retaining water too! And I swell and shrink just like the tides. 🤪

By the time I was in college I had to take painkillers almost daily to numb the pain of my headaches. I was unaware of the emotions constantly bottling up within me, unable to flow. Bottle neck. My head was always hurting.  

I had unconsciously created my own form of prison born from my fear of feeling too much. 

Of this I am now AWARE. 

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I've started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars forever

Every thought, every word, spoken within and without, matters. It literally creates matter, creates form in the form of your body, your story, and your experience and relationship with life.

Thought forms are just as powerful and "real" as material forms. 

 

Our thoughts ripple out into the etheric soup, the "amniotic fluid" of the Earth, where the elementals that inhabit our atmosphere, this magical vapor, are literally enchanted into the forms we are radiating. Well, that’s how I feel it anyway.

We have forgotten, but we are in intimate relation with these elemental consciousnesses who inhabit this magical realm. They create from our beliefs, from our desires, from our words and our actions. 

Everything matters.

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I've started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

We are co-creating with the elementals in every breath. We are dreaming form into being, into matter, all the time. ALL THE TIME. 

We are Gaia’s dream. 

All life. All matter. All Nature is the dream of the Earth.

You are a creative being, whether you realize it or not. Whether you are conscious of what you are creating or not. You are a fractal of the Creator, creating. It is who we are. 

Forget-ME-Not.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

I've been running round in circles in my mind

And it always seems that I'm following you, girl

Cause you take me to the places, that alone I'd never find

Can you sense the unseen threads of connection that weave us all together? Are you willing to feel it all? To dive into and flow with the mystery and magic of creation? 

We are magicians. Our thoughts, our words, our actions are spells.

I am a tiny magician in an unlimited e-theric soup of consciousness. 

I am creating my story alongside your story. A thread of Gaia’s story. The most interconnected, complex, ineffable, convoluted story of creation ever!

And I am aware of how for the majority of my life I have been unconsciously creating my story from the outside in, not the inside out. 

I created what society, my community, my family, the media, told me to create. I received the thought forms, the messages, the judgments of the world around me and believed them to be my own. My own feelings were so bottled up that I could not discern the difference.

Forget-Me-Not shows me that we have all been enchanted into believing that there is nothing beyond material form for a very long time. We have been told we are powerless—that we need gurus and experts and intermediaries to commune with the beyond material world—if it even exists. 

This is the greatest fairy tale ever told! 

But I can feel it. I’ve always felt it. 

I just didn’t have the words, the confidence, or the language to understand what I was feeling. But I am awake and aware now. I am remembering. And there are so many of us slowly waking up to the truth of who we are and the truth of our multidimensional reality and our power to create a new story.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I've started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars forever

And all of Nature, of Spirit, is watching us. 

Can you feel it? The feeling of being watched. Not judged, but loved. Completely. The Mother is watching her beloved children grow. 

 

Rosemary last moon cycle was speaking of outgrowing my "pot" and now my "vase" is shattering and can no longer contain me. 

It is painful, this letting go, but we all know growth is never comfortable. It takes so much e-motion, so much energy, to witness, break down and compost the entrenched forms of limitations and power over—to break down the existing paradigm—but we are doing it! One heart and soul at a time. And this story is far from finished.

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I've started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

So, yes… Forget-Me-Not, I am aware that my emotions are absolutely affecting the weather…. AND that the weather is absolutely affecting my emotions. I cannot control Nature but I am absolutely co-creating with her. 

I am aware that there is no separation. 

And it is my intention in my life, my deepest desire now, to be as conscious as I can be of this process.

Fully PRESENT. 

Fully AWARE. 🌸

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