Change is relentless.
Sometimes, actually most of the time, I cannot keep up with the speed with which my life and my work transforms. So I spend a great deal of time trying to figure out, mentally process, how to create structures and routines that help me navigate the chaotic nature of life.
Ultimately however, what I have discovered is that if I hold too tightly to these supportive containers, trying to alleviate and control the discomfort of life evolving, what I actually end up creating is more suffering than the ease and flow I desire. The complete opposite of my intention!
Many of us label chaos as “bad,” but it seems to me that it is only within the chaos of structures breaking down that the potential for innovation and true heartfelt creativity arises. If everything was easy and predictable, controllable, do you think we would ever evolve and grow? Food for thought perhaps as we slip into the dark moon time...
One of the structures I have created to support my work is to write a blog to send out in an email around every Full Moon complete with (hopefully) well articulated, inspirational insight from the plant spirit that I’ve been working with. Nettle (TRANSFORMATION) has been my guide this moon cycle and, not being the most gentle teacher, transformation within my work and my family has been deep and uncomfortable and I really don’t have the energy to express all that has been going on within and without for me.
The last 10 days I’ve been hyper aware that this blog has not been forthcoming. It does not matter how hard I push or berate myself, or how much time I schedule in my calendar, or how much space I create…life has other plans. And that is OK!
Nettle asks me, “How fiercely can you love? How much are you willing to feel? Can you allow the fullness of all your emotions without attachment? Can you allow others the fullness of their emotions? Even when it feels icky?”
This is shadow work my friends. Deep shadow work.
And just when you think you can’t go any deeper, or witness or integrate any more, you will find yourself triggered and facing your deepest fears, unearthed obliviously by those nearest and dearest, as well as by the collective community we live in.
I’m always learning to do things differently, sustainably, as I deeply desire to allow more flow into my life and let go of all the self-imposed prisons of responsibility for things I cannot control. I am not a machine and rigid structures that I create eventually break down so that they can evolve, so that I can grow—Nature shows me this constantly.
Nettle teaches me so much about creating and holding sacred space for this work of becoming—for myself, for my loved ones, and for those I serve, as together we go through the uncomfortable process of growth and transformation.
Nettle teaches me about holding strong and yet flexible boundaries and advises me to not take anything personally. Deeply nourishing and fortifying my body she shows me how to move through the sting of ego based choices and fears through embodying the holy emotions of unconditional love, forgiveness, and compassion for myself and for others.
And lastly Nettle reminds me that the world doesn’t evolve from some outside influence. From some set of external rules and laws. Lasting transformation is not as simple as applying some new makeup or buying a new dress.
Systems are fully immersive and if we want a better world we each are going to have to do the personal work to create it. We each have to do things differently, be kinder, be forgiving, be compassionate and so on, to ourselves and to others.
Lasting transformation always comes from within.
And so I’m taking the pressure off of myself to create and write articulately to order, just because I created an expectation for myself. We are not machines, so why should we expect that we can perform like one?
There is a lot transforming in my Soulflower world and I will try to keep you updated as things evolve, and as new creations emerge from the dark chaotic, creative void 😜 and in the meantime you can find me and share in this journey of transformation that we are all going through in the CommUNITY Garden I am cocreating with other wise women ready to go within.
Growth is uncomfortable. Change and transformation is an uncomfortable (and also exciting which can also feel scary) process. We simply cannot do this alone.
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Each flower is a mirror that reflects back at me something that I have forgotten, or something I need to remember, about my essential nature, my true Nature. All relationships are mirrors.
Growth and understanding and change can not always be understood in material form, although we can perceive it more readily that way. Instead it is more of an inside job. It happens in the dark. In other words, growth is not necessarily just about getting bigger it can also be about feeling better. Feeling more like myself.