The plant spirits are kind of subtle in the way they communicate their messages. It’s not like they come out and give you a clear succinct message, although sometimes I do wish they would. For me, it is more of a gathering of thoughts, feelings and not so subtle aha! moments where I finally make a connection or finally join the dots. Sometimes the messages, or understandings, come quickly. Other times it can takes months or years. I suspect that the understandings just continue to get deeper and deeper the longer the relationship...which makes sense really.
Working with Bleeding Heart (Dicentra) is no different. She is blooming now in Maine and so I’ve been noticing her a lot lately. Dangling her beautiful hearts all over the shady parts of my garden—exposed for all to see. Here is my heart. I have so many though so feel free to take some, there’s more where they come from. More and more every year. Thriving.
This is the first layer of messaging. The initial conversation and is really just a series of impressions. The message she shares then is that the source of our hearts strength comes from within, not from any external source. And, that it is impossible to run out of this heart strength. An unending source of strength but you cannot fill the well from an external source it has to come from within. Got it! Message received. It feels clear in my mind. But I know this is just the first layer of understanding. I usually have to experience it personally in some way to truly understand…
We all deplete our heart strength away in many ways. For me, historically, by searching outside of myself for my sense of value and self-worth. It’s not a conscious process...I just find that I put myself and my needs low down on the totem pole.
I am very good at intuiting what other people in my life need, or want from me, and all too often I do just that. Because I want to make them happy of course, and that makes me happy right? Yes, but not if I am not honoring my own needs and desires.
Or when I really get honest with myself, not if my motivation for doing so is a deep fear that not doing so will lead to others withdrawing their love or friendship or whatever. It took me a very long time to see this in myself. We all want to be loved after all. We all want to be liked. Accepted.
The trouble is that not being true to yourself, whether subconsciously or not, ultimately depletes your heart's strength...and eventually the well will run dry.
The resentment will creep in. Anger and bitterness too perhaps…
Even though I am aware of this in me, I still almost automatically make choices based on pleasing others. And here is where the aha! moment most recently shared with me from dear Dicentra comes into my awareness....The great giveaway! Literally!
In doing my best to get the word out about my Soulflower Plant Spirit Oracle Presale I thought it would be a great idea to have a “giveaway”. People would share my post to enter and hopefully this would lead to more connections and sales.
I choose my Bleeding Heart illustration to give away. I saw it as the perfect fit. Sharing my heART so to speak. So I proceeded to go through the whole process of setting up the giveaway and sharing it on instagram. And I did make a handful of new connections. But not very many entered. And maybe some of those connections led to sales, I’m not sure. I did love receiving all the wonderful, inspiring comments, and my art will hopefully inspire and support it’s new owner. All good. Right?
This is the irony.... After going through the whole process I am suddenly struck with the realization that I AM literally giving my heart away, bleeding it everywhere, because my intention with the giveaway was to LITERALLY get people to like me by generously giving away my work in return. I am thunderstruck.
I feel the message deep down in my bones, in the core of my being.
But this time, I am not giving myself a hard time over whether my intentions were honorable or not. I’m standing in my self-awareness and laughing out loud. Heard! Message received...again...loud and clear.
I fully accept my choices in this giveaway, and I thank Bleeding Heart for the lesson, the message, and the irony. So so clever, so perfect. And in this moment, I am filled with love for myself. For my humanity and for my tender yet strong, passionate and extremely loving heart, and even crazier mind, that gives me such a hard time in matters of the heart.
“I will always care what you think of me. Your love and approval fills my heart. The difference now is I no longer need or seek your approval, and what you think of me no longer has the power to undermine me. I know who I am and my heart is filled from within.”
Dig deeper with Bleeding Heart (INDEPENDENCE) here.
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